Larsen Landing: It makes me think of you....

5 days now without our Buddy... it's been such an emotional 5 days... Every time I turn around there's something reminding me of the enormous loss we are struggling to deal with. I had no idea the effect it would have on me, not that I thought it would be easy to go through something like this, but I had no idea he would be on my mind all day everyday... I had no idea that I would cry myself to sleep every night... I had no idea that all the little things would be sooooo painful.

I found myself weeping as I vacuumed under the dining room table after dinner... something I never had to worry about...

I sobbed as I dumped the last little morsels of food from every ones plates into the garbage... Buddy always got these little bits on top of his dinner

I have avoided using our blender... as I know there won't be a howling pooch in the other room (something the whole family got a kick out of... we could usually keep the howling going by howling with him)

Going outside has been super difficult for me... but with two little boys, it's totally unavoidable... but when I'm out there all I think about is our sweet buddy

When I make a fire all I think about is how Buddy would wait patiently for me to be done so he could soak up all the heat.

When the sun shines on the carpet I think of how he loved to lay in it.

When I ride in my car, I find myself peekin in my mirror hoping to see him smearin is nose all over the rear glass...

Looking at our little camping trailer and thinking about how camping just wont be the same...

When I empty the lint trap on the dryer... and find his sweet red hair

When I come home... there's no greeting... just a sad, quiet, something missing kind of feeling.

The past couple of days little Ben has been taking a picture of Buddy of the book shelf and bringing it to me (He has never taken any of the pictures down before) He will take it back from me and set it down on the floor and lay on top of it... Ben loved Buddy so much... always caught them cuddling on Buddy's bed.

Last night when waking up with Ben who needed some extra cuddles and a drink of milk I noticed a blanket laid out in front of the wood stove... no doubt it was the keeper of my heart trying his best to cope with our loss.

I started putting pictures together, so I can make a photo book of his adventures with us and instead of bawling... I laughed alot and found myself feeling surprisingly better...

Here is a small collection of memories...

I'm sooooooo glad I take tons of pictures...